Orphan

Recently, I just finished watching the movie Orphan. When the commercials for this movie came out, many people said "that's going to be scary!" or "It's going to make me piss myself!" After hearing that, I told people, "no it's not!" and "no it won't!"

I thought that I would never watch this movie, but I did. I wanted to see what it was all about. OK, so let me tell ya. Orphan is about this girl named Esther, who was an orphan who went from home to home because something happened to her previous families. For example, they died in a house fire, and many other scenarios.

As the movie goes on, the couple, John and Kate, who adopted Esther start fighting over her. While this happens, you see John take Esther's side while Kate sees Esther for what she really is.

Yes, there are many more things that happen, but I want you to find those out for yourself. On the 1-10 I give this movie a 5.

Sports Movies

There are a lot of different sports movies. Many of them are better than others, but to me they are fun to watch. There are basketball, baseball, hockey, golf, football, and many other sports.

One of my favorites is BaseketBall. It was a movie written by Trey Parker, and Matt Stone. You know they two guys who did South Park. This film is about two guys who create there own sport. It is a combination of basketball and baseball.

To explain, the game is played like basketball, but has all the rules of baseball, with some minor modifications.

One of my favorite football movies happens to be Rudy, Staring Sean Astin. I enjoy this movie because it tells us that anyone can do anything they want to.

It also shows us that no matter what anyone says, you can make it if you keep going. Prove people wrong. Don't believe everything you hear.

This film also shows us how to deal with struggle, and get past it.

One of my favorite baseball movies is The Sandlot. The Sandlot tells the story of a new kid in town (Smalls) who is too smart for his own good, has no friends and is athletically in adequate. He winds up meet a group of kids becoming friends learns to play baseball, but gets them in the biggest pickle of their lives. I'll leave it up to you to find out what it is.

Parodies

Parodies are something you don't see a lot of in the movie world. I mean, yeah, some have been made. Yeah, some are better than others, and some just plain out suck. Even though that happens, people have the right to poke fun at things. The thing is that most parodies are familiar.

I've watched a few parodies in the movies. The most famous one I've seen is Mel Brooks' Spaceballs. For those of you who don't know, that's the Star Wars parody. This one is my favorite because I am a geek for episodes IV, V, &VI. Other than that, I loved Spaceballs because of how each character pokes fun at a Star Wars character.

Speaking of characters; some of my favorites are Barf, short for Barfolomew, played by John Candy, and Pizza the Hutt, voiced by Dom Deluise. Remember if you don't pay, you won't be ordering out for pizza, Pizza will be ordering out for you.

The second parody that I thought was funny was Silence of the Hams, starring Dom Deluise from the previous dinner. Silence of the Hams tells the story of murders that take place during a dinner.

Moving on. The next set of parodies that comes to mind are the Scary Movie movies. My opinion on those: indifferent. I say that because the first two were OK and the last two were bad.

Speaking of the Scary Movie franchise, leads me to my next parody, that I didn't like. That movie: Meet the Spartans. For those of you who don't know, this pokes fun at 300, which might I add is inaccurate.

Meet the Spartans was one of my least favorite parodies because I didn't find it funny.

Black and white movies

As I sit here and watch The Rocky Horror Picture Show, I am going to write about old black and white films. Trust me as a film major in school, I've seen a lot. The main one I am going talk about is Citizen Kane.

As far as b&w films go, this is one of the most famous ones. It tells the story of Charles Foster Kane, who was given up for adoption, and became a very wealthy newspaper writer.

When the movie starts we see a very old Kane laying in his bed holding a snow globe. The first thing we as the audience hear is the word "Rosebud" as Kane drops the snow globe and dies.

Throughout the movie the story revolves around What rosebud means, while we see old friends of Kane being interviewed, and telling what they knew about him. While the movie goes along, no one was able to tell us what this mysterious word meant. Even though we didn't find out who or what it was, we did see it. I know someone will be like "what is it?" Guess what I'm not telling.

I think that the twist and turns of not hear what rosebud is, but seeing it, makes Kane more interesting. Many people may and will disagree with me, and feel free.

Other than the story Orson Welles' use of lighting, camera movements and angles also help make the movie interesting. For instance, to show Kane's power and importance, when he is speaking Welles (who played Kane) uses low angles towards Kane to make him seem bigger than normal.

Many of the other things that were used are to lengthy to explain, so watch the movie to see how they work.

English, Johnny English

Mr. Bean, and James Bond in the same movie? No the movie I am talking about is Johnny English, starring England's famous Mr. Bean, Rowan Atkinson, as the main character in this film, Johnny English.

As I've stated before, this film is a parody of the James Bond films. Instead of everything going right for the hero trying to save the day, many things go wrong during the way.

I must say that this movie is rather amusing. No, I'm not saying that because of my love for the stupid comedy movies that I've enjoyed in the past. It is amusing because Atkinson plays the role of the dope hero to a tee. He is the guy who you know that will screw everyone and everything up, but he will make sure everything works out in the end.

Can I say how many people will go out and see this movie? No. Will I be able to convince people to see? No, but I will try.

I have to give this movie a 7 out of 10. For those of you out there thanks for reading!!

Trust Me I'm a Doctor

Now, I know many of you have heard of the 1975 shock rock/cult classic movie The Rocky Horror Picture Show. Not too many people know that it had a sequel that was released in 1981. The name of that film, Shock Treatment.

What can I say about Shock Treatment? My answer, many different things. The first thing is that I can say is that it has the same oddness, and obscurity the Rocky Horror had and has.

There are many of the same elements to it, such as the corny musical numbers, characters from Rocky Horror that appear here, but are played by different people (Brad and Janet). The only Character that stayed the same is Ralph Hapschatt. Going back to the music, it is as corny as it was in Rocky Horror, maybe even more, but it keeps you entertained.

Now on to the plot. It still takes place in the fictional town of Denton. The only thing is that it takes place in a television studio because the lives of Brad and Janet, are made into a TV show. I can honestly say that was odd, but fun at the same time.

I know I am into very odd and peculiar movies, and let me tell you, this was one of them. Hats off to Richard O'Brien and the cast of this film. I have to say the as odd as this movie was, it was enjoyable. On a scale of 1-10, I have to give this movie a 9 1/2 stars

People (aka actors) in movies

I know everyone has their favorite actors out there in Hollyweird. I will say, yes I do as well, but there are some actors and actresses that annoy the living piss out of me. I know I, just like everyone else and not perfect, nor do I claim to be, but some of them annoy me.

I honestly don't know where to start. This is something that I have to think about for a bit. Wow, this really hard. OK, I got it.

1) The entire cast of the Jersey Shore. OK, i know they aren't movie stars, but I had to put them up here. The reason why is because they are a bunch of god damned phonies, who freakin' get drunk every night, act like they are the coolest, which they aren't, they say stuff that gets them punched in the mouth and wonder why, and they do a dumb ass fist pump. They should get my fist pumped up their asses.

2) Jude Law- one word douchebag.

3) The Twilight pansies-Just like I said they're pansies.

4) Whoever else I feel like hating-Reason, because they aggravate me and make me want to kill them!

That's just my view on that.

Cavalcade of Cartoon Comedy

What can I say about these extremely funny shorts by Seth Macfarlane? First off they are funny as all hell. They made me laugh my ass off. I know there are people out there in this world that don't fin Mr. Macfarlane funny, but I won't name names *cough Pete cough*.

I think the man is genius for coming up with an idea like this. I just want to say that ever since I first saw Family Guy 10 years ago in 1999, I knew this guy was talented. I was telling people that and they didn't believe me. I was told I was crazy. Now a lot of those people have changed their tone and see it the way I see it.

One of my favorite shorts, well my first favorites is The Scottish Guy Who Can't Keep His Mouth Shut While Watching a Movie. Take a guess why it was funny.

The other one that I couldn't help laugh at was Fred Flinstone Takes A Crap. I mean nothing better than some poop humor.

Documentaries

As many people know that documentaries are somewhat influential in the movie world. Many people know as well that Mr. Michael Moore is one of the biggest documentary filmmakers ariound. For those of you who don't know he did Bowling For Columbine, Sicko, Farenhiet 911, and Captialism: A Love Sotry.

What I am getting at if Mr. Moore can show whats wrong with our society, and the world around us, there should be documentaries about other things; trust me I'm not talking about Nanook of the North.

I say do a documentary about something very different, like the world of board/card games. Yes, I know some people are going to tell me that this is the dumbest thing they've ever heard, but watch someone do it and it take off.

Go ahead tell me that' stupid and that I'm a dullard an that wouldn't work. My question is if that would work, why is Tom Cruise still allowed to make films?

Don't throw rocks at a man with a machine gun

I know what people are thinking. What the hell is up with that title? Well, let me tell ya, it's a famous quote from legendary pro-wrestler Rodderick George Tombs, better known to most people as the "Hot Scot" Rowdy Roddy Piper. I know your next question is where am i going with this?

Where I am going is Roddy's DVD Born To Controversy. This tells the life, times, and the ways of Roddy. It tells the story about how he broke into pro-wrestling, and made a living out it from the again of 15 years old.

While watching this you learned that he lived all over the world, and left home at the age of 12 going on 13. He struggled to survive, and lived in teen hostels just to have a place to survive; with the rent being something 25 cents Canadian.

One of the things that you find out is that Roddy was in John Carpenter's film They Live. Carpenter went on to say he was looking at a notebook with stuff that Roddy was going to try and use during promos and interviews, and saw one line that he told Roddy to put in the movie. That famous line is: "I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass, and I'm all out of bubblegum."

My question is, would you expect anything else from someone like Roddy?

Oh yeah there's one more thing to remember, just when you think that you've got the answer, he switches the question!

from 1-10 it gets a 9

Hart and Soul

When most people hear the last name of Hart, they usually think of the famous Hart Wrestling Family. Ok, not everyone will, but a lot of people do. I am one of them.

As many people know the family was headed by the famous Stu and Helen, the parents of 12, that's right 12 kids. The list of kids are Smith, Bruce, Keith Wayne, Dean, Ellie, Georgia, Bret, Allison, Ross, Diana, and Owen.

Many of the kids went on to become wrestlers or marry wrestlers. Bret and Owen were the two most famous of them all. Ellie married Jim "the Anvil" Neidhart, whose daughter Natalia is a wrestler. Also, Diana married The British Bulldog Davey Boy Smith. Their son, Harry (D.H.)is a wrestler.

This DVD is an excellent documentary type thing. Many wrestling fans will enjoy it

Put me in a bowling ball bag and get me outta here

The movie that I just finished watching was Steve Odekerk's The Godthumb. This movie is a parody of The Godfather. The only difference is that instead of using people, thumbs are used. Yeah, those things that protrude off the side of both your hands.

The Godthumb allows us to see inside the world of organized crime run by the thumbs of the underworld. To me this film is ridiculous, yet funny. It allows the viewer to see that you don't need people to make a good movie. All you need is some hard work and a little imagination.

Odekerk has done many more of these film; so I suggest that you go out buy these and watch them. For once will you non film students believe me.

Jungle Fever - A Spike Lee Joint

On Monday June 21, 2010, I watched the Spike Lee film Jungle Fever starring Wesley Snipes and John Tutorro. This film tells the story about an American woman of Italian decent (who is white), who falls in love with Wesley Snipes' character of Flipper who is black and happens to be married. She does this after she breaks up with her boyfriend played by Tutorro.


After finding out about this Angela's father and brothers are not happy that she is dating a black man. They feel that it is a "crime" against "their people." what Lee is trying to say in a way, is that is very ignorant that people think like this.


The thing that makes the whole situation is that Flipper is married and has a daughter. Also, he has an overly religious father Ossie Davis, a mother who just sees good Ruby Dee, and a crackhead brother Samuel L. Jackson.


I must say this is an awesome movie, because it shows how people can still be ignorant, and not accept people for who they are not what they look like.

Down Periscope

Today I watched the Kelsey Grammer movie Down Periscope. This is a film I saw for the first time many years ago, and thought it was funny even though I was 11 and didn't get all the jokes in it. At first when I saw Down Periscope I guess the main thing I found funny was the chit-chat about where Kelsey Grammer's character of Tom had a tattoo. Any guesses on where it is.

The movie this time seemed funnier, because not of the joke, which were good, but because of how the film moved and the story was told.It was also good, because of the characters as well. Rob Schinder's character of Marty was great because of how everyone kept picking on him and making fun of him.

I know that the people who saw this movie, who knows how many, may have different views, but some can say it was funny. I got some laughs out of it. Hope in the future that this film can become a cult classic. That's all I have to say this time around.

Toy Story 3

On Friday I saw Toy Story 3 with my pal Anthony. I say it was an okay movie, but it was more of those senitmental movies to say hte least. Some people may agree with and some may not, but what ever the case is let me know. It involved the same characters of Buzz, Woody, Rex, and the rest.

While watching the movie, in 3-d no less, it had me thinking. Why couldn't the story be a little different. Why couldn't Andy already have been at college? Why couldn't he have to deal with someone taking the toys? I guess that's just my way of thinking about that. I wonder how many people think that I am super crazy for thinking that way.

Seeing TS3 in 3-d made the experience a little bit better, but it was weird seeing these characters bounce off the screen. Thats all i have to say about that.

Random Posting

This is just one of my random nonsense post. It's about nothing in particular. I just feel like writing about what ever bothers me with movies. I know that sounds weird, but that's what I want to do with this blog tonight.

I know everyone enjoys their own type of movies, but my question is why don't people listen to the guy who's a film major about what movie to see. Ya see, I have this little theory. It works like this, I can tell whether or not a movie is good just by watching the trailer. Most people don't listen to me when I tell them, but it's their loss, and $13.00 down the drain.

When I tell them that a movie is going to be bad they are "why didn't you tell me?" I did tell ya, but you didn't listen ya dullard. But you have to remember that these people that I'm talking to don't understand the word dullard, so that tells you what they know doesn't.

Ten little, nine little, eight little indians

The Book: And Then There Were None. The movie: And Then There Were None. The person responsible: Agatha Christie.

The story tells us about 8 people who travel to a secluded island and meet the maid and the butler. (For those of you wondering, there's your ten people). While on their way to the island we see a one shot of each person, to get an idea of their background.

As the movie goes on, everyone is introduced to each other and to us as the audience. We find out that they were all invited to the island by a Mr. U. N. Owen. They are all on the island wondering when they are going to me this Owen. While we are watching we must pay attention, because we have to figure out who Owen is and if anyone survives.

I'm not going to ruin this for you, so my suggestions go out and rent it. From 1-10 it's am 8.75

My Bloody Valentine.

Just recently I finished watching My Bloody Valentine. I must say I understood what was happening and what was going on. One of the things that made that movie was boring, was the pacing of the story. The pacing was so slow. I mean slower than a snail. Don't get me wrong a like thriller/scary movies as much as the next person, but this didn't do a damn thing for me.

Go ahead and disagree with me and tell me you like film. That I don't mind, but what is the point of remaking this film. Alls I have to say is that this is one of the worst remakes ever. Many people may disagree with that, and feel free too, but again I'll think that you are nuts. OK here is where I get crap for saying people are crazy for liking this remake. Why are my opinions dumber and far more "stupid" than everyone else?

There is nothing else that I can possibly say about this film. On a scale of 1-10 it doesn't register. Good day sirs and ladies.

David Spade Blog

Today at about three o'clock this morning, I was watching Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star on the TV. I am writing about this movie, because of the funny-ness of it. There are a few reasons why I think this movie is funny, even though many people do not.

Reason one: It shows what happens to child stars after they grow up, and they become "regular people." This is funny because it shows that they feel forgotten, and have to struggle just like everyone else. The only difference is that their struggle is a bit different from that of your Average Joe. Example of that is our struggle is to pay the bills; their struggle is to get another movie gig. Interesting isn't.

Another reason i enjoy this film is because it shows all these child stars from the 60s, 70s, and 80s who are in this movie to make it more life like, and really show us their struggle which I mentioned in the about example. Some of those actors/actresses are Leif Garrett, Dustin "Screech" Diamond, Barry "Greg Brady" Williams, Erin "Joanie Cunningham" Moran, Maureen "Marcia Brady" McCormick, and of course my favorite 70s star Fred "Rerun" Berry.

Now getting back to David Spade. This movie was perfect for Spade in my opinion, for one reason and one reason only, it is his first attempt to funny with out Chris Farley. I think that he achieved this feat. To me and some people who may agree with this, it was hard for Spade to attempt anything funny after the death of friend and comic genius Chris Farley. I can honestly say that I don't blame him. If you lost your best friend in a business world that you work in, you probably wouldn't don anything in that field for a while.

Another random movie blog

I know I write this random blogs every once in a while. Yes, I know that there are people out there who read these things and some who don't. Right now, I am going to just continue to write my blogs whether or not people like them.

Now let me do what I came here to do. I am here to write a random movie blog. I don't know exactly what it is going to be about, but it can be done and it will be done.

This is just my random blog about how I love bad movies. I'm not talking about the bad movies that are just so bad that, that's all they are. I am talking about the bad movies that are so bad that they are good (ie Masters of the Universe, and the original Clash of the Titans).

Go ahead this is where you my readers, no matter how many of you are out there, tell me: Joe, you are crazy! I say ok, but at least my bad movies are better than your bad movies. Disagree with me all you want. Hell, even piss and moan like an impotent jerk whose going to take it up the tail pipe, until you go blue in the face; but what I am getting at is that I am right and you are wrong. I hope I've made that crap clear.

What I am tring to say is: I LOVE BAD MOVIES THAT ARE SO BAD THAT THEY ARE AWESOME! Remember that!