Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Detectives in film

Detectives in Film

There are many different detectives that become characters in movies. Some of them include Sherlock Holmes, Dick Tracey, and one of my favorite ones, Charlie Chan. One reason why I am writing this blog is because I received an enormous amount of Charlie Chan DVD’s for Christmas. Another reason is because I wanted to write about how fun it is to watch the “old-fashioned” detective crime and mystery movies.

After watching a few more Chan films after taking my Crime Genre class, I have become a fan of the detective from the Honolulu Police Department. Yes, some people might think that I am crazy, but they don’t know what it’s like to see an Asian detective at work.

One thing I like about the Charlie Chan movies, such as The Jade Mask or Charlie Chan in Honolulu is that they show that a detective should be smart, witty and whimsical while they solve a crime. OK. Some people may disagree with me, because that's the way life works, but it makes way in a sense.
While watching these movies, you can learn many things. A few of those things are: 1. how to solve a crime, 2. how to do it while number 1 son is trying to help, 3. how to make everyone else look bad while doing it, and 4. make some interesting statement.

Monday, December 27, 2010

Oh What a Rush!!!!!!!!

This is the classic statement of The Road Warriors, or Legion of Doom as some of you may know them. The reason why I am writing this blog is because I finished watching the Road Warriors DVD.
I must admit that this was a very interesting DVD. The reason why is because, there aren’t many tag teams left in the world of wrestling like them. Now that I’ve said that is let me introduce the two members of the team, and they are Hawk and Animal. Yes, I know, interesting and unusual names.
What can I say about these two interesting men? Well!! I did learn they they are the only tag team to hold the tag titles in the AWA, WCW, and WWE; but before they did that, they were bouncers at a bar called Grandma Bea’s, with a few other former wrestlers, such as Rick Rude, and Smash from Demolition.
As with every team, there are problems to be had.
Unfortunately, they will no longer be around because of the sad and untimely death of Hawk. I just wanted to say that Hawk will be missed! One other thing I can say is that The L.O.D. are often imitated and but never duplicated!!!

Tuesday, December 21, 2010


Yes, I know I blogged about documentaries before. Yes, I know they were one by Mr. Michael Moore. But let me tell you this. This blog is going to be different. Why is that you might be wondering? OK, some of you may not be wondering that, but I'm gonna tell ya any way.

In this blog discussing documentaries, I am going to talk about Beyond the Mat. I know many people are thinking I really don't wanna really a review for a movie that's about pro-wrestling. If you don't, then stop right there. If you are interested, keep on going.

This film show what happens for the guys and girls who are trying to make it in the world of wrestling. Also, it shows us the directors long found interest in the sports world of wrestling. The reason for saying that is, he wants to meet and follow around fellow Long Islander Mick Foley.

While this is happening we also see that the director, Barry Blaustien also follows around and gets the story from Jake the Snake Roberts. Although Jake's story is sad, it opens up my eyes to what can happen to a person at the end of a career in any field.

I give this film an 8!!!!!!!!!!

Friday, December 17, 2010

Charlie Brown Christmas

We all know that there are many different Charlie Brown specials. This past Tuesday while at the local bar for their wing night extravaganza, I noticed one thing. The thing that I noticed is that there are no Spanish or Asian kids in the Charlie Brown Movies.

I noticed this while Merry Christmas Charlie Brown was on in the bar. I bought up the point of there only being a single black in the movie, and an old buddy of mine told me that what I said was true.

What I'm getting at is this: if you come to think about it, the Peanuts movies and comic strips are somewhat racist. If you watch closely, there's the stereotypical token black kid, whose name I don't know and Pig Pen, who could represent the homeless community, but what about the Spanish and Asian kids Shultz?

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Santa Claus is Comin' To Town

As many people know, Christmas always comes this time of year. Trust me on this one, I'm not lying. Other than presents, there is one thing-- er,-- person that is associated with the holiday, and his name is Kris Kringle, but you know him better as Santa.

Now, that I've mentioned that, I'll go on to talk about the classic 1970 Christmas classic, Santa Claus is Comin' to Town. This movie is narrated by musical legend Fred Astaire. Astaire tells the story about how Santa went from Kris Kringle, to Santa Claus.

As the movie goes on, it tells how he struggles with people like Burgermeister Meisterberger, who outlaws toys. Of course we all know that something like that is silly and outlandish. Kris also has to deal with the Winter Warlock.

We also find out about many other things like the stockings hanging over the Chimney, the red suit, and many other things.

I love this movie a lot because it shows me at least, that if you try and do something nice for someone, it might happen for you. It also teaches me don't be afraid to stand up for something if you believe in it

Wednesday, December 08, 2010

A very special Christmas Special

A Christmas Special? Yes, a Christmas special! From Who? Jeff Dunham, that's who?

Who is Jeff Dunham and why does he have a Christmas Special? First off Dunham is a ventriloquist, who is extremely funny. He had a Christmas special because of his other comedy specials that did very well.

In this special Dunham uses his usual cast of characters. They are Walter the old codger, Achmed the Dead Terrorist need I say more, Bubba J the Drunk redneck, Peanut a Woozle from a Micronesian Island, and Jose JalapeƱo on a Stick, again need I say more.

He uses them to promote comedy and Christmas, and all that Doesn't make sense about it. Again, that is Jeff Dunham's Very Special Christmas Special.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

My Thanksgiving Post

Annually, since the age of thirteen, I've always watched Airheads. Airheads stars Brendan Fraser, Adam Sandler, and Steve Buscemi. They play Chaz (Fraser), Pip (Sandler), and Rex (Buscemi). Why I've watched it since I was thirteen, who knows?

Back to the movie. Other than Fraser, Sandler, and Buscemi, there are a few stars in Airheads. Those names are: Chris Farley, Michael McKean, Michael Richards, and Joe Montegna.

Each of these actors play a major part of the story about Chaz's band, The Lone Rangers, (yes, you read that right), who break into a radio station to get their demo played.

Unfortunately, things don't work out that way. When The Lone Rangers break into the studio, it takes them forever to get in, they have to find a reel-to-reel for the demo, then it goes on fire, because of a cigarette in the ash trey. That happened because the tape snapped. That led to the cops having to find Kayla, Chaz's girlfriend, who had the only other copy.

That right there is another problem. First the cops have to find Kayla, and the tape.

After that is taken care of, the next job is to get a contract; which I'm not going to tell you if that happens or not. Nor will I tell you the ending. Let's just say it doesn't look like it will end well.

Now on to the acting. I think, no believe that Fraser, Buscemi, and Sandler did an excellent job. My reason for that: the story was good, and the way they interacted with the other characters was awesome.

That's all I have to say about my Thanksgiving viewing tradition! It gets an 8 out of 10

Friday, November 19, 2010

Reservoir Dogs

I don't know how many people have seen Quenten Tarantino's 1992 film Reservoir Dogs, but it is one hell of a movie.

This film tells the story of a group of men, only known by colorful names, who are going to rob a jewelry store.

The plan is set, the men are ready, but after they rob the jewelry store something goes wrong. What's that? The cops were tipped off to the robbery.

Now that Mr. Blonde, Mr. White, Mr. Orange, and Mr. Pink all know that, it's time to find out who it is. While they are at the rendezvous spot, it's time to ask questions.

Now, they start running into other problems. Mr. Orange is shot, Mr. Brown and Mr. Blue are dead, and Mr. Blonde brings a cop back to the rendezvous spot in the back of his car. While everything is getting straightened out, they are waiting for Joe to get there.

In the mean time everyone is pointing fingers at someone else about being the rat who tipped the cops off about the robbery. In between all of this happening, Mr. Blonde cuts the cops ear off, and we find out who the rat/informants is.

At this point in time, I mean I could tell you the end of the film, but I won't. I could tell you who the informant/rat is, but I won't. What I will tell you is that this is one hell of a movie, and has one hell of a story. The reason is for the non-linear edit.

I give this film a 10!

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Books Vs. Movies

Yes, some movies come from these things called books. You know, those things that have the words on the paper. What am I getting at? Well, I'll tell ya.

With books becoming movies, one thing that bothers me, is when the script doesn't follow the book 100%. This isn't totally true. Some scripts follow directly along with the book.

Two books that do that are And Then There Were None by Agatha Christie, and The Autobiography of Malcolm X.

These two books are excellent examples of books that transfer well to the big screen. These two movies, make you, well at least me, think that the book is coming alive. That is for those of you who read both books and saw both movies.

IF the script sticks to the book, you believe the people playing the characters. For instance, Denzel Washington as Malcolm X. I know many people will tell me it's hard to see that, but, what I mean is, he makes an interesting historical person come alive.

Saturday, November 13, 2010

The Human Experience

What can I say about this documentary? Well, first off it is intriguing, interesting, and sad all at the same time. I know many people will find that hard to believe, but it is true.

The documentary is about four friends who live in a half way house in Brooklyn, New York, for various reasons. Two of the four 20-somethings that we follow are brothers, Jeffery and Clifford.

What they really wanted to show us, was that no matter how bad you think your life is, someone has worse than you. Also, they wanted to show us that we are put on this world, by God, for a purpose.

As the audience we see what they guys mean, by following them on four different adventures.

The first adventure that we going on is with Clifford and his brother Jeffrey. We follow around them around the streets of New York. We follow them around the streets, because they want to see what it is like to live the life of a homeless person. While watching, we see the brothers beg for money and food in order to survive.

The second adventure, which I think is the saddest one of all, is the trip to the hospital in Peru. They visited the hospital in order to find out ways to help the kids that are there, and to find out ways to help them. While they are there, they tell the back story on some of the children and why they are there.

Adventure number three is to a leper colony in Ghana, Africa. The crew goes there to interview a group of people who are in the colony. The people who the crew speaks to, tells them that because of their disease, they are looked down on by their families.

The forth adventure is a little bit different. Again, it involves Clifford and Jeffery. We find out through title cards that Clifford has set up a meeting between Jeffery, and their father. The reason for that is because Jeffery, hasn't seen his father in 10 years.

Even though this documentary was sad, I will admit that it was rather enlightening to what is happening around us. As I mentioned before, it makes you think about what your purpose in life really is. I have to give this a 10!!!

Thursday, November 11, 2010

My least favorite movies

I know that people have a list of favorite and least favorite movies. This is going to be the list of my least favorite movies. I want to know what people think of my list. So give me your opinion on why you agree or disagree with me and my list. I want to hear what you guys have to say.

The only question is: "Where do I start?" Let me just say there many movies that can make this list. If I could, I would make the whole list Woody Allen movies, but I already wrote a blog about how much I strongly dislike him.

OK, here it goes.

1. Van Helsing- Nothing against Hugh Jackman, but the movie was just bad. You know how many movies had people have made movies about changing monsters?

2. Musketeers of Pig Alley- This is a very old silent film. It is also a gangster film. It is a really bad combination of both.

3. any Harry Potter movie- I'm pretty sure they did something like this before. Oh yeah, it was, in the 1940' movies were made about Sherlock Holmes

4. Deconstructing Harry- It's A Woody Allen movie. Need I say more.

5. Any Jack Black Movie- Not really a big fan of his. One saw one movie, but that was it.

Ok, Tell me what you think

Friday, November 05, 2010

My many different film/movie views

As many people know, I was a film student while I was in school. Yes, many times, I've been asked "why did decide to study film?" I answered "so that way, I don't have to do math!" Other than that I've been asked "What was the easiest part of studying film?" Again, I say "I don't have to do math!'

Let's move on. Because I studied film and the history of it in school, I have many different opinions. Many people don't listen to what I have to say, but then realize that I am right. The funny thing is that when people realize I am right, they still try make me feel like I am wrong.

I want people who didn't study film, I am usually (99.9%) right. Even if you don't agree with me, I am still right. Yes, some of the movies I like, will be liked by everyone else, but it can be proved to anyone why they can be seen as fun.

Now on to my views. My views of film are on the very askew end of the spectrum, are see as wrong. That is not true. I can get my opinion just from watching the trailer on television (aka the idiot box). Most people don't believe me, but I know better.

I tried to tell people what movies to see and not see, because of my views. Like I mentioned, my views are right, no matter what people see. What I'm wondering is: why don't people trust my views? They should know better, but until they do, screw the people who don't listen!

Saturday, October 30, 2010

Saw 3D

On Friday, I saw Saw 3D. I thought that this movie was freaking fantastic. Yes, I know there are many people out there who don't like the Saw franchise, and that's fine. Me, I thoroughly enjoyed it.

When I went to see Saw 3D, I didn't know what to expect. The only thing that I knew was that Doctor Gordon from the first Saw was returning. That was about it. What was he going to do? How big was his part going to be? Why didn't he get brought back in a major part earlier? Why did it take six films to figure out what he was involved in?

There were many things that wee enjoyable. The traps were not as strong as some of the predecessors, but they made you think. I am not going to mention what they were. I want the film audience to be surprised.

On a scale of 1-10 this is off the scale!!!!!!!!!!!

Thursday, October 28, 2010

My Favorite Horror movies

1. Halloween- The Movie that started it all
2. Saw- Got me into the world of Jigsaw
3. Texas Chainsaw Massacre- A crazy with a chainsaw, need I say more

4. Final Friday Jason Goes to Hell- Idea of a crossover
5.Freddy vs. Jason- Awesome Crossover.
6.Leprechaun- Don't piss off a Little Irish man 7.Jason X- Three words: Horror in space!!!!!! 8.House of 1,000 Corpses- Dr. Satan!!!!!!!!!!1 9.Devil's Rejects-Creepy

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Opinion like tea leaf in hot water... Both need time for Brewing

The title is a quote from world famous detective Charlie Chan. This comes from the film Charlie Chan in Honolulu. For those of you who don't know, Charlie Chan is an Asian man who works for the Hawaiian Police Department.

Unlike the detectives of today, Charlie is very clever.

But before I continue, I'll mention a few things about the character. When the movies were made, two main actors played the part. The two men were Warner Orland, and Sidney Tolar (my personal favorite).

Something that seems...um ludicrous, is how an Asian man, Chan, is played by two white men.

Now back to the Movie. The movie takes place on a freight ship. It takes place on the way to Honolulu. The movie starts out with Charlie finding out that his is having a grandchild. After rushing to the hospital, the phone rings, and Number Five Son answered it. As he goes to deliver them the message, Number Two Son Jimmy, wants to be a detective like his father and tries to take control.

Yes, it starts out like that, but Charlie comes to the rescue. The reason why he comes to the rescue, because the police find out he is not on the ship. After finding out, the police get Charlie on board.

As the film goes on, Chan, as well as us the viewer, gets the same clues, multiple times. Some of the clues, are seen and not heard, but Charlie still figures out who committed the crime. He does this in a very interesting way.

Even though this was only my second Charlie Chan Movie, I found it quiet enjoyable. The way some people cause problems were hysterical. I give this movie an 8 1/2 out of 10.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Saw V- Why is only one detective still alive?

Going into Saw V, we know this is the second movie since Jigsaw's death. The first question that comes to mind is: Why is Detective Hoffman still alive? Number 2: How are these things happening if Jigsaw is dead? Another question is: Who has taken over?

Thing that does make sense is why Jigsaw would keep Hoffman alive. Why would he want a police officer to do his work. Is it because Hoffman's sister was was killed, and this was Hoffman's way of getting revenge. This is what you need to think about.

Another question comes to mind, but I am not going to ask. I want any of you to see if you could figure it out.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Saw IV These little piggies

As I sit here writing, I realized how outstanding the Saw movies have become. In each one, you as the viewer get more clues each time. You see more things that show up, and one of those things is pigs.

This may sound weird, but yes, pigs. Pigs show up through all four movies at this point, but majorly throughout this film. In every film, we always see the pig in a form of a mas, when people are captured to be put into a trap. The first time we see the pigs in Saw IV, is when Jeff and Lynn's daughter is caught sleeping with her brother's pig doll. The reason why she is sleeping with it is because her brother is dead and she misses him.

The Chinese New Year scene, is the second time we see the piggies. The Pigs are seen, because it's supposed to be the Chinese year of the pig. During this scene, which is a flashback, we see see many people including Jigsaw.

The main reason why I believe the writers did this, was to show us how people can filthy animals. That's right, people become animals and can be highly uncivilized; just like the people Jigsaw put in the traps.

Thursday, October 07, 2010

Chalk up another one for Jigsaw (technically)

As most of you can see, this is my third Saw blog. I am going to do one for each of the first six films, until I finish watching them. The reason I said I am doing this is because of the release of Saw 3D on October 29.

This movie is kept in one area like the first one done a few years before. This works for this type of film. This time a husband and wife are in the hands of Jigsaw, who is on his deathbed. The only things is that the husband Jeff, and the wife Lynn, don't know the other one is a captive of Jigsaw. As well as the two of them, Amanda from the first two, is part of the game. She doesn't know about the relationship, and that she is being tested by Jigsaw.

As the story goes on, many other things happen. This film really make you think about each thing that is going to happen.

This film gets a 7.5

Tuesday, October 05, 2010

Saw 2

Yes, it's another Saw blog. This time it's about Saw 2. Are many of you upset? Possibly. But this has to be written because it is part of my Saw marathon/blog. The reason: I want people to know what I think about each film.

What can I say about Saw 2? There are many things that I can say. This is where it is going to be written.

The story again is one thing that attracted me to this movie. I wanted to see what Jigsaw was going to be up to this movie. It was a way different story from the first film. This film takes place in two different locations. One location is a house that was being pumped full of a poisonous gas. The reason why that was done was to try and slowly kill the people inside the house.

The second place that the movie takes place in an abandon building. This building is where Jigsaw is watching the people in the house through monitors. While there, a group of police and S.W.A.T. bust into the building. One of the people that is there is Detective Eric Matthews. The reason why he is there is because Jigsaw "called him out" at a crime scene. The other reason, Matthew's son Daniel is one of the people on the house.

Now, going back to the characters in the house. All of the people in the house have something in common. What? I'm not going to say. They all have to figure that out. While they are doing that they have to find a combination to the safe. Reason: to get an antidote in the safe. The combination is on.... That is where I am leaving that.

Making a second appearance is Amanda. She plays an important part in this film.

This film gets a 7

Saturday, October 02, 2010


As many of you may or may not know, Saw 3D is coming out on October 29, 2010. This is the last film in the Saw series. In the next three weeks, I am going to watch the first six movie movies to prepare myself for the final installment. I will give my views on each one as I go along. Each one will be done in an individual blog.

Right now I have finished the first Saw. What can or could I saw about this film? There are many things that I can and will say.

The first thing that comes to mind is the concept. The concept of the film is that two men, Dr. Lawrence Gordon, and another man named Adam, wake up in an abandoned bathroom. The only trouble is that they have to find a way out. On problem there; the are chained by the ankles to pipes on opposite sides of the room from each other.

As the story goes on, they have clues given to them about how to get out of the room, where things that they may need are, and that are given to each other without realizing.

The characters are great as well. Each one plays a part in telling this very interesting story. For instance, you hear the story of Dr. Gordon, and Adam, partially from them and partially from John who is referred to as "The Jigsaw Killer."

Zep is an interesting character, because the first time we see him in the movie, is in the hospital, as an orderly. Then we later find out something about him.

John/Jigsaw is a great character because he is the person who teaches his victims to respect life. The way he does that is by putting the victims in to traps, and gives them the chance to escape. Yes, many people think that he is a murderer, but technically he isn't.

Danny Glover's character is rather interesting. That is all I can say about that.

On a scale of 1-10 I give this Saw a 6!

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

What are Feces? Baby mice

As I sit here an watch the Richard Kelly film Donnie Darko, I thought that I would blog about it. This is a very interesting movie starring Jake Gyllenhaal, Jena Malone, Drew Barrymore, and Patrick Swayze.

Before I actually start to write to about the film, I'll give a little back-story on it. When the film first came out, it did not do well while in theaters. It went in and out of theaters in its opening week. After that, it made most of its money through DVD and VHS sales. It also became very popular because of word of mouth. After this, director Richard Kelly went and put the directors cut into theater.

Now on to the movie itself. This movie tells the story of Donnie Darko, a troubled teen, who has emotional problems. While the story moves on, we see what forces Donnie to cause his problems.

Many people have asked me to describe this movie to them, and the only way that I can truly do that is by saying that it is a movie with about 20 different stories in it. To write about it here would take forever. Go see it

Friday, August 27, 2010


Recently, I just finished watching the movie Orphan. When the commercials for this movie came out, many people said "that's going to be scary!" or "It's going to make me piss myself!" After hearing that, I told people, "no it's not!" and "no it won't!"

I thought that I would never watch this movie, but I did. I wanted to see what it was all about. OK, so let me tell ya. Orphan is about this girl named Esther, who was an orphan who went from home to home because something happened to her previous families. For example, they died in a house fire, and many other scenarios.

As the movie goes on, the couple, John and Kate, who adopted Esther start fighting over her. While this happens, you see John take Esther's side while Kate sees Esther for what she really is.

Yes, there are many more things that happen, but I want you to find those out for yourself. On the 1-10 I give this movie a 5.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Sports Movies

There are a lot of different sports movies. Many of them are better than others, but to me they are fun to watch. There are basketball, baseball, hockey, golf, football, and many other sports.

One of my favorites is BaseketBall. It was a movie written by Trey Parker, and Matt Stone. You know they two guys who did South Park. This film is about two guys who create there own sport. It is a combination of basketball and baseball.

To explain, the game is played like basketball, but has all the rules of baseball, with some minor modifications.

One of my favorite football movies happens to be Rudy, Staring Sean Astin. I enjoy this movie because it tells us that anyone can do anything they want to.

It also shows us that no matter what anyone says, you can make it if you keep going. Prove people wrong. Don't believe everything you hear.

This film also shows us how to deal with struggle, and get past it.

One of my favorite baseball movies is The Sandlot. The Sandlot tells the story of a new kid in town (Smalls) who is too smart for his own good, has no friends and is athletically in adequate. He winds up meet a group of kids becoming friends learns to play baseball, but gets them in the biggest pickle of their lives. I'll leave it up to you to find out what it is.

Monday, August 16, 2010


Parodies are something you don't see a lot of in the movie world. I mean, yeah, some have been made. Yeah, some are better than others, and some just plain out suck. Even though that happens, people have the right to poke fun at things. The thing is that most parodies are familiar.

I've watched a few parodies in the movies. The most famous one I've seen is Mel Brooks' Spaceballs. For those of you who don't know, that's the Star Wars parody. This one is my favorite because I am a geek for episodes IV, V, &VI. Other than that, I loved Spaceballs because of how each character pokes fun at a Star Wars character.

Speaking of characters; some of my favorites are Barf, short for Barfolomew, played by John Candy, and Pizza the Hutt, voiced by Dom Deluise. Remember if you don't pay, you won't be ordering out for pizza, Pizza will be ordering out for you.

The second parody that I thought was funny was Silence of the Hams, starring Dom Deluise from the previous dinner. Silence of the Hams tells the story of murders that take place during a dinner.

Moving on. The next set of parodies that comes to mind are the Scary Movie movies. My opinion on those: indifferent. I say that because the first two were OK and the last two were bad.

Speaking of the Scary Movie franchise, leads me to my next parody, that I didn't like. That movie: Meet the Spartans. For those of you who don't know, this pokes fun at 300, which might I add is inaccurate.

Meet the Spartans was one of my least favorite parodies because I didn't find it funny.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Black and white movies

As I sit here and watch The Rocky Horror Picture Show, I am going to write about old black and white films. Trust me as a film major in school, I've seen a lot. The main one I am going talk about is Citizen Kane.

As far as b&w films go, this is one of the most famous ones. It tells the story of Charles Foster Kane, who was given up for adoption, and became a very wealthy newspaper writer.

When the movie starts we see a very old Kane laying in his bed holding a snow globe. The first thing we as the audience hear is the word "Rosebud" as Kane drops the snow globe and dies.

Throughout the movie the story revolves around What rosebud means, while we see old friends of Kane being interviewed, and telling what they knew about him. While the movie goes along, no one was able to tell us what this mysterious word meant. Even though we didn't find out who or what it was, we did see it. I know someone will be like "what is it?" Guess what I'm not telling.

I think that the twist and turns of not hear what rosebud is, but seeing it, makes Kane more interesting. Many people may and will disagree with me, and feel free.

Other than the story Orson Welles' use of lighting, camera movements and angles also help make the movie interesting. For instance, to show Kane's power and importance, when he is speaking Welles (who played Kane) uses low angles towards Kane to make him seem bigger than normal.

Many of the other things that were used are to lengthy to explain, so watch the movie to see how they work.

Saturday, July 31, 2010

English, Johnny English

Mr. Bean, and James Bond in the same movie? No the movie I am talking about is Johnny English, starring England's famous Mr. Bean, Rowan Atkinson, as the main character in this film, Johnny English.

As I've stated before, this film is a parody of the James Bond films. Instead of everything going right for the hero trying to save the day, many things go wrong during the way.

I must say that this movie is rather amusing. No, I'm not saying that because of my love for the stupid comedy movies that I've enjoyed in the past. It is amusing because Atkinson plays the role of the dope hero to a tee. He is the guy who you know that will screw everyone and everything up, but he will make sure everything works out in the end.

Can I say how many people will go out and see this movie? No. Will I be able to convince people to see? No, but I will try.

I have to give this movie a 7 out of 10. For those of you out there thanks for reading!!

Friday, July 30, 2010

Trust Me I'm a Doctor

Now, I know many of you have heard of the 1975 shock rock/cult classic movie The Rocky Horror Picture Show. Not too many people know that it had a sequel that was released in 1981. The name of that film, Shock Treatment.

What can I say about Shock Treatment? My answer, many different things. The first thing is that I can say is that it has the same oddness, and obscurity the Rocky Horror had and has.

There are many of the same elements to it, such as the corny musical numbers, characters from Rocky Horror that appear here, but are played by different people (Brad and Janet). The only Character that stayed the same is Ralph Hapschatt. Going back to the music, it is as corny as it was in Rocky Horror, maybe even more, but it keeps you entertained.

Now on to the plot. It still takes place in the fictional town of Denton. The only thing is that it takes place in a television studio because the lives of Brad and Janet, are made into a TV show. I can honestly say that was odd, but fun at the same time.

I know I am into very odd and peculiar movies, and let me tell you, this was one of them. Hats off to Richard O'Brien and the cast of this film. I have to say the as odd as this movie was, it was enjoyable. On a scale of 1-10, I have to give this movie a 9 1/2 stars

Sunday, July 25, 2010

People (aka actors) in movies

I know everyone has their favorite actors out there in Hollyweird. I will say, yes I do as well, but there are some actors and actresses that annoy the living piss out of me. I know I, just like everyone else and not perfect, nor do I claim to be, but some of them annoy me.

I honestly don't know where to start. This is something that I have to think about for a bit. Wow, this really hard. OK, I got it.

1) The entire cast of the Jersey Shore. OK, i know they aren't movie stars, but I had to put them up here. The reason why is because they are a bunch of god damned phonies, who freakin' get drunk every night, act like they are the coolest, which they aren't, they say stuff that gets them punched in the mouth and wonder why, and they do a dumb ass fist pump. They should get my fist pumped up their asses.

2) Jude Law- one word douchebag.

3) The Twilight pansies-Just like I said they're pansies.

4) Whoever else I feel like hating-Reason, because they aggravate me and make me want to kill them!

That's just my view on that.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Cavalcade of Cartoon Comedy

What can I say about these extremely funny shorts by Seth Macfarlane? First off they are funny as all hell. They made me laugh my ass off. I know there are people out there in this world that don't fin Mr. Macfarlane funny, but I won't name names *cough Pete cough*.

I think the man is genius for coming up with an idea like this. I just want to say that ever since I first saw Family Guy 10 years ago in 1999, I knew this guy was talented. I was telling people that and they didn't believe me. I was told I was crazy. Now a lot of those people have changed their tone and see it the way I see it.

One of my favorite shorts, well my first favorites is The Scottish Guy Who Can't Keep His Mouth Shut While Watching a Movie. Take a guess why it was funny.

The other one that I couldn't help laugh at was Fred Flinstone Takes A Crap. I mean nothing better than some poop humor.

Thursday, July 15, 2010


As many people know that documentaries are somewhat influential in the movie world. Many people know as well that Mr. Michael Moore is one of the biggest documentary filmmakers ariound. For those of you who don't know he did Bowling For Columbine, Sicko, Farenhiet 911, and Captialism: A Love Sotry.

What I am getting at if Mr. Moore can show whats wrong with our society, and the world around us, there should be documentaries about other things; trust me I'm not talking about Nanook of the North.

I say do a documentary about something very different, like the world of board/card games. Yes, I know some people are going to tell me that this is the dumbest thing they've ever heard, but watch someone do it and it take off.

Go ahead tell me that' stupid and that I'm a dullard an that wouldn't work. My question is if that would work, why is Tom Cruise still allowed to make films?

Thursday, July 08, 2010

Don't throw rocks at a man with a machine gun

I know what people are thinking. What the hell is up with that title? Well, let me tell ya, it's a famous quote from legendary pro-wrestler Rodderick George Tombs, better known to most people as the "Hot Scot" Rowdy Roddy Piper. I know your next question is where am i going with this?

Where I am going is Roddy's DVD Born To Controversy. This tells the life, times, and the ways of Roddy. It tells the story about how he broke into pro-wrestling, and made a living out it from the again of 15 years old.

While watching this you learned that he lived all over the world, and left home at the age of 12 going on 13. He struggled to survive, and lived in teen hostels just to have a place to survive; with the rent being something 25 cents Canadian.

One of the things that you find out is that Roddy was in John Carpenter's film They Live. Carpenter went on to say he was looking at a notebook with stuff that Roddy was going to try and use during promos and interviews, and saw one line that he told Roddy to put in the movie. That famous line is: "I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass, and I'm all out of bubblegum."

My question is, would you expect anything else from someone like Roddy?

Oh yeah there's one more thing to remember, just when you think that you've got the answer, he switches the question!

from 1-10 it gets a 9

Saturday, July 03, 2010

Hart and Soul

When most people hear the last name of Hart, they usually think of the famous Hart Wrestling Family. Ok, not everyone will, but a lot of people do. I am one of them.

As many people know the family was headed by the famous Stu and Helen, the parents of 12, that's right 12 kids. The list of kids are Smith, Bruce, Keith Wayne, Dean, Ellie, Georgia, Bret, Allison
, Ross, Diana, and Owen.

Many of the kids went on to become wrestlers or marry wrestlers. Bret and Owen were the two most famous of them all. Ellie married Jim "the Anvil" Neidhart, whose daughter Natalia is a wrestler. Also, Diana married The British Bulldog Davey Boy Smith. Their son, Harry (D.H.)is a wrestler.

This DVD is an excellent documentary type thing. Many wrestling fans will enjoy it

Sunday, June 27, 2010

Put me in a bowling ball bag and get me outta here

The movie that I just finished watching was Steve Odekerk's The Godthumb. This movie is a parody of The Godfather. The only difference is that instead of using people, thumbs are used. Yeah, those things that protrude off the side of both your hands.

The Godthumb allows us to see inside the world of organized crime run by the thumbs of the underworld. To me this film is ridiculous, yet funny. It allows the viewer to see that you don't need people to make a good movie. All you need is some hard work and a little imagination.

Odekerk has done many more of these film; so I suggest that you go out buy these and watch them. For once will you non film students believe me.

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Jungle Fever - A Spike Lee Joint

On Monday June 21, 2010, I watched the Spike Lee film Jungle Fever starring Wesley Snipes and John Tutorro. This film tells the story about an American woman of Italian decent (who is white), who falls in love with Wesley Snipes' character of Flipper who is black and happens to be married. She does this after she breaks up with her boyfriend played by Tutorro.

After finding out about this Angela's father and brothers are not happy that she is dating a black man. They feel that it is a "crime" against "their people." what Lee is trying to say in a way, is that is very ignorant that people think like this.

The thing that makes the whole situation is that Flipper is married and has a daughter. Also, he has an overly religious father Ossie Davis, a mother who just sees good Ruby Dee, and a crackhead brother Samuel L. Jackson.

I must say this is an awesome movie, because it shows how people can still be ignorant, and not accept people for who they are not what they look like.

Sunday, June 20, 2010

Down Periscope

Today I watched the Kelsey Grammer movie Down Periscope. This is a film I saw for the first time many years ago, and thought it was funny even though I was 11 and didn't get all the jokes in it. At first when I saw Down Periscope I guess the main thing I found funny was the chit-chat about where Kelsey Grammer's character of Tom had a tattoo. Any guesses on where it is.

The movie this time seemed funnier, because not of the joke, which were good, but because of how the film moved and the story was told.It was also good, because of the characters as well. Rob Schinder's character of Marty was great because of how everyone kept picking on him and making fun of him.

I know that the people who saw this movie, who knows how many, may have different views, but some can say it was funny. I got some laughs out of it. Hope in the future that this film can become a cult classic. That's all I have to say this time around.

Toy Story 3

On Friday I saw Toy Story 3 with my pal Anthony. I say it was an okay movie, but it was more of those senitmental movies to say hte least. Some people may agree with and some may not, but what ever the case is let me know. It involved the same characters of Buzz, Woody, Rex, and the rest.

While watching the movie, in 3-d no less, it had me thinking. Why couldn't the story be a little different. Why couldn't Andy already have been at college? Why couldn't he have to deal with someone taking the toys? I guess that's just my way of thinking about that. I wonder how many people think that I am super crazy for thinking that way.

Seeing TS3 in 3-d made the experience a little bit better, but it was weird seeing these characters bounce off the screen. Thats all i have to say about that.

Monday, June 14, 2010

Random Posting

This is just one of my random nonsense post. It's about nothing in particular. I just feel like writing about what ever bothers me with movies. I know that sounds weird, but that's what I want to do with this blog tonight.

I know everyone enjoys their own type of movies, but my question is why don't people listen to the guy who's a film major about what movie to see. Ya see, I have this little theory. It works like this, I can tell whether or not a movie is good just by watching the trailer. Most people don't listen to me when I tell them, but it's their loss, and $13.00 down the drain.

When I tell them that a movie is going to be bad they are "why didn't you tell me?" I did tell ya, but you didn't listen ya dullard. But you have to remember that these people that I'm talking to don't understand the word dullard, so that tells you what they know doesn't.

Saturday, June 05, 2010

Ten little, nine little, eight little indians

The Book: And Then There Were None. The movie: And Then There Were None. The person responsible: Agatha Christie.

The story tells us about 8 people who travel to a secluded island and meet the maid and the butler. (For those of you wondering, there's your ten people). While on their way to the island we see a one shot of each person, to get an idea of their background.

As the movie goes on, everyone is introduced to each other and to us as the audience. We find out that they were all invited to the island by a Mr. U. N. Owen. They are all on the island wondering when they are going to me this Owen. While we are watching we must pay attention, because we have to figure out who Owen is and if anyone survives.

I'm not going to ruin this for you, so my suggestions go out and rent it. From 1-10 it's am 8.75

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

My Bloody Valentine.

Just recently I finished watching My Bloody Valentine. I must say I understood what was happening and what was going on. One of the things that made that movie was boring, was the pacing of the story. The pacing was so slow. I mean slower than a snail. Don't get me wrong a like thriller/scary movies as much as the next person, but this didn't do a damn thing for me.

Go ahead and disagree with me and tell me you like film. That I don't mind, but what is the point of remaking this film. Alls I have to say is that this is one of the worst remakes ever. Many people may disagree with that, and feel free too, but again I'll think that you are nuts. OK here is where I get crap for saying people are crazy for liking this remake. Why are my opinions dumber and far more "stupid" than everyone else?

There is nothing else that I can possibly say about this film. On a scale of 1-10 it doesn't register. Good day sirs and ladies.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

David Spade Blog

Today at about three o'clock this morning, I was watching Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star on the TV. I am writing about this movie, because of the funny-ness of it. There are a few reasons why I think this movie is funny, even though many people do not.

Reason one: It shows what happens to child stars after they grow up, and they become "regular people." This is funny because it shows that they feel forgotten, and have to struggle just like everyone else. The only difference is that their struggle is a bit different from that of your Average Joe. Example of that is our struggle is to pay the bills; their struggle is to get another movie gig. Interesting isn't.

Another reason i enjoy this film is because it shows all these child stars from the 60s, 70s, and 80s who are in this movie to make it more life like, and really show us their struggle which I mentioned in the about example. Some of those actors/actresses are Leif Garrett, Dustin "Screech" Diamond, Barry "Greg Brady" Williams, Erin "Joanie Cunningham" Moran, Maureen "Marcia Brady" McCormick, and of course my favorite 70s star Fred "Rerun" Berry.

Now getting back to David Spade. This movie was perfect for Spade in my opinion, for one reason and one reason only, it is his first attempt to funny with out Chris Farley. I think that he achieved this feat. To me and some people who may agree with this, it was hard for Spade to attempt anything funny after the death of friend and comic genius Chris Farley. I can honestly say that I don't blame him. If you lost your best friend in a business world that you work in, you probably wouldn't don anything in that field for a while.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Another random movie blog

I know I write this random blogs every once in a while. Yes, I know that there are people out there who read these things and some who don't. Right now, I am going to just continue to write my blogs whether or not people like them.

Now let me do what I came here to do. I am here to write a random movie blog. I don't know exactly what it is going to be about, but it can be done and it will be done.

This is just my random blog about how I love bad movies. I'm not talking about the bad movies that are just so bad that, that's all they are. I am talking about the bad movies that are so bad that they are good (ie Masters of the Universe, and the original Clash of the Titans).

Go ahead this is where you my readers, no matter how many of you are out there, tell me: Joe, you are crazy! I say ok, but at least my bad movies are better than your bad movies. Disagree with me all you want. Hell, even piss and moan like an impotent jerk whose going to take it up the tail pipe, until you go blue in the face; but what I am getting at is that I am right and you are wrong. I hope I've made that crap clear.

What I am tring to say is: I LOVE BAD MOVIES THAT ARE SO BAD THAT THEY ARE AWESOME! Remember that!

Friday, April 30, 2010

Some what of a nightmare... I think not

Today I saw the remake of Nightmare on Elm Street. I know movies will be remade; there are certain ones that will never, and ones that shouldn't. This is one of them. Don't get me wrong, the story line was decent, the story flowed, there was some tension, and you got dragged into the film.

While watching this movie there was one thing that I was thinking. That thought was Bad News Bears. The 1970s version of course. The reason why I say that is because the Freddy was played by Jackie Earl Haley, who played Kelly in the original BNBs.

Also, I couldn't believe Haley as Kruger because I guess the make-up and how he played the role. In this case, I'm sorry, nobody, and I mean nobody can stand up to Robert Englund. I know this sounds biased, but doesn't most of what I say, but he can't.

For me the make-up mad Haley look like a burnt skinless cat. Wow, nice opinion there! I know, but we live in a country where we can say what we want.

On a Scale of 1-10 this movie gets a five

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Batman Returns

When we see this symbol, we all know that it stands for the Dark Knight, The Caped Crusader, that's right Batman!

Through out the course of movie history, there have been many different Batman movies, starring many different actors. Some actors who have played Batman are Adam West, Michael Keaton, Val Kilmer, and many more.

I am writing about this Batman movie because it was one of my favorites. The reason why it was, is because of how creepy Danny Devito portrayed the Penguin. I know that no one can compare to Burgess Meredith from the Batman TV show, but Danny Devito comes in a close second.

Moving on to other characters in the movie, Michelle Pfeiffer wasn't the greatest Catwoman, but neither was Halle Berry, but thats besides the point. Pfeiffer didn't really make the role of Catwoman believeable. Talking about not having charcters not be believeable, Micheal Keaton was really not the best Batman in my mind.

While watching this movie, I loved how the sets looked grey and dark. This gave the film a really, really creepy feel. The color gives a feeling of darkness and sadness at the same time. For most comic book movies this doesn't work, but in this case it does.

Again, these are my feelings, and I'm sticking to them!!

Sunday, April 04, 2010

Those were $500 sunglasses Asshole

Like everyone else, when I hear Mortal Kombat, I think of a video game not a movie. Some people might say unfortunatley it's both. Well, I just say it's both.

Most people might tell me, "Hey I didn't like this movie." To that I would respond: "listen to me now, and believe me later, this is not about what you think." Then they get mad at me, but honestly like Mortal Kombat. Yes, it maybe a movie base on a video game. Yes, it might show you characters that you know about. Yes, it brought in some characters from the second game into the first movie. Why? I can't tell you.

The main reason why I liked this movie was because it was one of the first well done video game to movie movies done at the time. It made the experience even better when you saw it. Another thing that made it great was that they had all of the original MK characters in it. For those of you who don't know, they are: Sonya Blade, Liu Kang, Kano, Johnny Blade, Rayden, Scorpion, Sub-Zero, and the two main bosses were Shang Tsung, & Gorro.

I know that there are people out there who agree with me, and people who don't. I know some people will respect my thoughts, and some who won't. I just want to say fine, be that way; keep wasting you money on shitty movies that only stupid people see.

Oh yeah, this movie was excellent!!!!!!!

Thursday, April 01, 2010

The Crow

Other than his father, what's the first thing people think of when they hear Brandon Lee? Answer: The Crow.

Yes, I know I've written about this film before, but I just wanted to touch on it again. The Crow is a great film in general. The film tells a story of guitarist Eric Draven and his girlfriend Shelly Webster. The two are killed on what was called "Devil's Night," which is the night before Halloween; which is when Eric and Shelly were supposed to get married.

One year after the death of both Eric and Shelly, a crow lands on Eric's grave. This allows Eric to come back to life, and avenge his and Shelley's death. Throughout the movie Eric goes after the four criminals: T-Bird, Tin Tin, Skank, and Funboy. He goes after them for killing him and raping and beating Shelly.

I feel that this story tells a really good story and will drag you into to see how things happen and when they will.

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Hear no evil, Speak no evil See No Evil

Many people have heard the phrase, "Speak no evil, hear no evil, See no evil." That I am sure of. The reason I bring this up, is because of the movie See No Evil.

This movie tells the story of jailbirds who have to go and clean an old hotel, as their community service. What they don't know is that there is a crazy psychopath living in the hotel, named Jacob Goodnight (Kane).

Here is a little back story on Jacob. He is a killer, who as a child lived with an overly religious mother who told him that everything was wrong. To make sure that the criminals knew what they were doing, he wanted to rip their eyes out, so they could "see" what they had done wrong.

This is a movie that will give you a scare, but be ready for some gruesomeness.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Untitled Movie Blog

I know there are many different types of movies out there in this world; yes, I know I have my favorites, and everyone else has theirs, but there are movies that are just wrong. Don't get me wrong, I know people have their own tastes, but why do people argue with the film major, about films. By arguing with me they tell me what they think of a movie, or that a certian movie looks good because of the trailer. They get mad when I tell them that the movie will not because of the actors or the effects, or whatever else might be wrong.

This argument happens between me and whoever has an idea of going to see a shitty movie. I honestly try and tell people "don't see that movie." I also tell them "you're wasting you money!" it just seems that they don't want to listen. It seems like the guy who is the film major, has no idea what he's talking about. Like I can't try and save you money, the trip and the time from seeing a bad movie that you're going to complain about. I know these people, who shall remain nameless, will tell me "why didn't you tell me?" "that movie was crap!" To those comments I just respond "I'm not trying to toot my own horn, toot toot, but I told ya so!'

To give an example about a movie that looks horrible is the remake of Clash of the Titans. One person told me it "has potential" to which I replied, "no it doesn't." Maybe people don't like my opinion, but it is as good as anyone else's. I know this person thinks that my opinion sucks, but I respect his, but I don't know what he has to say about mine.

Friday, March 12, 2010

Heroes in a Half Shell

Most kids today, have really awesome movies. I'll give them that, they do have some cool movies. One movie that came out not to long ago, was TMNT, or for those of you who don't know, that stands For Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. This was a movie based on the cartoon that had come out while I was a wee lad (not that I was ever wee). I just want to remind anyone reading this, the two of you that I know of, that the original Turtles movie came out in 1990. Way before the newer version was even thought of.

Most who are or around my age will come to appreciate the original Ninja Turtle movies that were made. Yes, there were three of them. Those will be talked about another time. This movie tells the story of four turtles, who are all named after artists. They are Leonardo, Donatello, Raphael, and Michelangelo. That is the thing that most people didn't get. They were trained by Splinter, their master, who was a giant rat.

To stay hidden from society, and their enemies, they lived in the sewers of what was New York City. The enemies that they were hiding from were The Shredder, and his Foot Clan. They were hiding in the sewers, because they did not want Shredder to know that they had any affiliation with news reporter April O'Neil.

I don't want to go on any further, because I want you to go out and relive your childhood and have a good time.

Thursday, March 11, 2010

A man of worth never gets up to unsay what he said yesterday... Remember that.

Many people are into crazy things. One of those crazy things that people are into is finding Bigfoot. That is exactly what the character of Donner (Jason Lee) really wants to do. This all comes about when only one of the groups gets money on "Welfare Wednsday."

After this happen Donner, Az (Jason Mewes) and the rest of the group start to make a trip to "find a Cabin" that Donner's Uncle "owns" in the woods of British Columbia, Canada.

What the rest of the group doesn't know is that they are being led on a wild goose chase in order to find Bigfoot. After a while, the group catches on, and finds out that they've been had and gives up on Donner, and leaves him in the middle of the woods.

If there's one thing this movie teaches me, it's make sure you know what you are getting yourself into. Along with that I must say that this is one hell of a first movie by Malcolm Ingram and Matt Gissing.

Tuesday, March 09, 2010

Mallrats, respect or not

Maybe I am the only one who thinks this way, but Mallrats needs some respect. I know that there are many people out there who don't agree with me, and that's ok. I also know deep down in my heart, that there are Kevin Smith fans who do.

Most of us who have seen this movie know the story. For those of you who don't, here it goes: Two guys T.S. and Brody, both get dumped by their girlfriends. As a result of the dumpings, they go to the mall. While they are there, they see Brodie's ex-girlfriend Rene, dating the proprioter of the Fashionable Male. T.S. knows that his ex is going on a dating show for her father, because the original contestant died of an embolism, while doing laps in the YMCA pool.

While everything is happening Brodie and T.S. hire Jay and Silent Bob to be their hatchet-men. Why might you ask? The reason is because Brodie and T.S. don't want the show to take place.

I will leave the rest of the story anonymous. What I'm saying is, go watch it and tell me wheter or not you can repsect this film

Thursday, March 04, 2010

Can you believe it, because I can't!

I honestly cannot believe that Hollywood has remade a horribly bad, yet classic movie Clash of the Titans. When I was out seeing Cop Out, I saw the posters for it and thought I was seeing things. Then it happened! I saw the preview for Clash of the Titans.

My first thoughts were: "What the hell is Hollywood thinking?" It made me made me extremely upset because you can not replace Harry Hamlin, Burgess Meredith, and Sir Laurence Olivier.

I can't really understand why this would happen! This infuriates me to no end! Why in the hell would this happen?

Saturday, February 27, 2010

I think I need a Cop Out

Today I saw the new Kevin Smith film Cop Out, starring Tracy Morgan (Brian Fellow) and Bruce Willis (aka Bruno). I just want to say that enjoyed Willis in the Die Hard movies, but I am not really a Tracy Morgan fan, but the one thing that I can say is that these two men were freaking hillarious together.

Let me say that I was pretty psyched to see this film. The reason why I say this, is because I am a big Kevin Smith fan. Call me biased if you will..... OK there I waited, hoped you did it.

Now on to further matters, I must say that this movie really made me laugh multiple times. Most of the time I laughed it was because of Morgan, who as I said I am not a fan of. His reaction, to what happened or to Willis made the movie work. The same thing with Willis worked as well.

I have to say this film gets an 8 out of 10!

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Paranaormal Activity-A Scary Ghost Story I think not

Many people who have seen Paranormal Activity told me, "Joe it's a scary movie. It'll make you scream cry, and possibly wet yourself!" I gave them a look in my attempt to say "are you sh*tting me!" I knew that wouldn't happen, but these co-workers kept insisting that it would. I would tell them that a movie like this wouldn't do that, because I have seen so many horror movies, and it takes a lot to scare the crap out of me.

I held out as long as I could without seeing Paranormal Activity, but last week I cave and got the DVD, and watched it. This is one of those movies where you could feel the tension building, but it was a big let down, because all the times, where I was supposed to be scared, I wasn't.

I just have to say that this film was a big let down in the horror/drama/thriller category. I feel that this movie could've been a hell of a lot better. I don't know if I was the only one let down by this, but I did not enjoy this.

On A scale of 1-10, I give this film a 1/4 star

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Horror Movie Rules

As many people know, there are always rules to everykind of movie out there; including the horror movie. Last night, while I was at the bar for wings, I was having a conversation with a couple of guys, who are weekly patrons like me, about certain movies, and the rules that are usually followed. Yes, we all agreed that these rules are followed whenever you watch a horror movie, yes, any horror movie.

The four of us stated that there were at least five count'em five rules that are followed in every horror movie, that you will see, or that you have ever heard of. The reason why these rules, which I will get to in a few, are followed, is because if one type of formula works, hey stick with it.

Rule 1) The "minority" must die before the movie is over! The reason why this is one of the rules is because of a few things. One of the reasons why the minority will dies is because they are 1-stupid enough to go after the killer; 2-They always split up or get separated from the rest of the group; 3-They have to be the "hero;" 4-they leave the scene so you know they die the second they leave.

Rule 2) The Virgin Dies! Why? Because the dumbass has nobody or nothing to preoccupy their time with. They wonder off from the group because every one else is having sex (I get to this group soon), and they feel uncomfortable. Another reason is because they want to see if the "myths" they've heard about were true (ie. the remake of Friday the 13th).

Rule 3) The couple having sex dies! The reason for this has to be obvious. Do I really need to go into this? Answer: Yes! The main reason why they so is simple. They seperate from the group, start getting it on, and one hears something and the guy has to check it out, guy is killed, girl is killed.

Rule 4) The topless girl dies? Simply because nobody goes skinny dipping by themselves. Question: when something happens why do they think it is a friend.

Rule 5) The killer catches up to them. They think that the killer (ie Jason, Pinhead, Michael Myers, Freddy Kruger, and Chucky) are dead and they run away. Somehow unbeknownst to the viewer, the killer finds a way to some how catch up, and try and kill them, but the person gets saved.